


Why?

by Shadowsof_thenight



Series: Fictober [8]
Category: Marvel Cinematic Universe
Genre: Angst, F/M, Heartbreak, Sadness
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-10-09
Updated: 2019-10-09
Packaged: 2020-11-28 14:53:31
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,013
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20968394
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Shadowsof_thenight/pseuds/Shadowsof_thenight
Summary: Steve broke your heart and you were left to wonder whyPromptnumber 8 “Can you stay?”





	Why?

**Author's Note:**

> I'm not entirely sure what happened here. Halfway through I lost where I was going.   
Today was a bad pain day and I just didn't have more in me than this.

This really wasn’t like you, stuck in a moment like this. Beating a dead horse wasn’t your thing. You moved on. So why weren’t? Why could you not just forget about Steve, let him go? It felt like you were missing a limb and the phantom pain was slowly killing you.   
You smiled as your friend offered you another drink and took it from her. Perhaps you needed to focus more on the people surrounding you. They could at least keep your mind off of him. But their words never reached you, their lips moving soundlessly as you sat on the couch.   
You tried to shake it off, focus, but it didn’t help. You were too caught up in your pain and all you could really do was hope that they would understand. 

You missed his beautiful blue eyes, that little speck of green in them and the kindness they often exuded. You missed his laugh, the sound so bright, loud and boisterous. Surely he was often very serious, but when he laughed - you’d do anything to that sound again. You missed his confidence, his gentle nature and his ability to let you walk on cloud nine. And how he knew just what to do to bring a smile to your face in the darkest of times. 

Without him, you felt lost. Lost in this ocean called life, the water slowly rising to your lips as you tried to stay afloat. The current was pulling you under and nobody was able to throw you a buoy.   
And despite the friends that had gathered themselves around you, you had never felt so utterly alone in the world. 

You didn’t know when Steve had become the centre of your world. How he had been your lifeline, your calm. But he had and with him gone you didn’t really know what to do. 

It had been three weeks since he had packed his bags and walked out of the door. Three weeks since he last looked your way or returned your calls. You knew that the smart thing to do was give him time and space, but it was hard to keep the desperation you were feeling to yourself.   
You needed him like you needed oxygen and so you repeatedly reached out to him.   
First you had called him, he hadn’t answered and so you had filled his voicemail; telling him you loved him, needed him, wanted him. That you missed everything about him.   
He had neglected to respond.  
So then you texted him, repeating your overall message of love and heartache, but he still didn’t reply. 

The silence made you wonder, doubt and you drove yourself insane looking for answers. He had given you none. There had been no explanation of why he left. He just went. you had come home after a long day of work to find him in your living room with his worldly possessions, which wasn’t all that much really. Perhaps that should have been a sign that he never intended to stay long. 

Had you missed all the signals? Ignored them for the sake of happiness, as fleeting as it had been? Or had he been so hard to read? 

You always thought you knew him better than you knew yourself and yet he had been able to take you by surprise in such a big way, that you had begun to doubt all you had ever known. 

**“Can you stay? **Please?!” 

You had whispered it, the words sounding pathetic even to you. Yet you had repeated them several times in the few minutes that had passed since you came home. He hadn’t said a word. Even when you pleaded and begged, he had simply taken your house key from his chain and pressed it into your hand. His big strong hand had covered yours for a single moment, squeezing your fingers around the cold metal. He had stepped a little closer, opened his mouth as if he wanted to speak and then suddenly as if struck by lighting, he had jumped back. No words were said by him and he didn’t come close again. 

“Please tell me what I did,” you had asked with a tangible desperation in your tone that could not have gone unnoticed, but he only shook his head and walked to the door. 

Tears had been streaming down your face as you walked after him, trying to stop him from existing your life. Calling out for him, pleading some more and telling him just how much you were hurting. It felt like emotional black mail, but you couldn’t stop yourself from spewing the words. All common sense had left you with his silent goodbye. 

It hadn’t mattered, he still walked away and ignored your tears. And you were stuck, not knowing why he had gone. 

After your that first week in which you had called and texted, you had given in to his silent demand for space. Instead you had tortured yourself only, with trying to figure out what had gone wrong. Had you perhaps been so hungry for love, that you had settled for a one-sided deal? Had your love been too much and had it scared him off? 

In your own biased opinion, there was nothing obvious to explain his sudden departure. And without his explanation or confirmation of your shortcomings, your bewilderment wouldn’t go anywhere. 

It wasn’t until the first troop of agents stormed your apartment, searching for him that you got your explanation, though it didn’t come from him. The agents explained that Steve had chosen to break some rules. Again he was a wanted felon. Steve hadn’t left you, he had left the country. And he had done so without telling you anything, because it would protect you. Or so you liked to believe.   
Though the truest confirmation of that belief came long after. Months later to be precise. In the form of a letter. Or a note, more likely. It was too short to be considered a letter. 

_I’m sorry. I never meant to hurt you.   
I love you!_


End file.
